Dating with Alopecia Areata: Building Confidence and Connection
By Laura Schober
Navigating the dating world is tricky enough for most people, but for someone living with alopecia areata, dating can present a whole different set of challenges. From confronting conventional beauty standards to dispelling stigma, dating with alopecia areata involves vulnerability and self-acceptance. Still, with the right mindset and support, it’s possible to build meaningful romantic connections and find love on your own terms.
For long-time CANAAF volunteer Sara Teskey, 28, dating has mostly been positive, but she has experienced negative experiences from time to time. Over the years, she has become much more comfortable and confident in sharing her alopecia areata diagnosis with others.
Sara used to wear wigs and wait until around the third date to disclose her condition, but she now fully embraces her alopecia areata by going bald. That includes posting photos of herself without a wig on dating apps.
“That’s the way I choose to present myself, because I want to be as authentic as possible,” she says. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t put a picture of myself with a wig on it, but I don’t feel like that truly represents me in this moment and who I am.”
For those who prefer to wear a wig, but aren’t sure how to disclose their condition, Sara says it’s important to stay true to yourself and prepare how you’re going to disclose your alopecia areata in advance.
“Having something small that you can practice in the mirror will really boost your confidence when you’re going into it,” she says. “If you get to the moment and you’re feeling like it isn’t the right time or you’re not ready, then you don’t have to force yourself. You can try again next time.”
Cat Kamel, a registered psychotherapist and co-founder of Insight & Wellness in Toronto, says living with alopecia areata can have a profound impact on self-esteem and confidence for some people, particularly in dating situations.
“Hair tends to carry a great deal of symbolic meaning connected to things like stereotypical gender norms, youthfulness, health, and attractiveness,” says Cat. “Alopecia areata has the potential to disrupt these things, leading some to internalize a sense of being different or less than, which can impact how they feel in dating spaces.”
Over the years, CANAAF community member and volunteer Cameron Powers, 25, has become more comfortable and confident in embracing his alopecia areata. On dates, he doesn’t shy away from bringing up that he has it, and sometimes he even cracks a few bald jokes to help break the ice.
“It makes me special, unique, and different,” he says about his alopecia areata.
Cameron has been living with alopecia areata since junior kindergarten.
While he does get a small amount of hair growth on the top and sides of his head, he prefers to shave his head once a week because it grows patchy. On dates, he has not found being bald to be a direct obstacle in his dating life.
“I can’t say that I’ve ever had a woman go, ‘Oh, I’m not going to date you because you’re bald’, or something like that,” says Cameron.
“I just wish alopecia areata was more widely known,” he says. “It saves me from saying the same kind of script or speech over and over again about what it is.”
Sara also wishes the disease was more widely known, saying she appreciates when her potential partners take the time to educate themselves about it.
“I think it’s super important to know the myths and misconceptions around this disease, and know what you can do to support someone with alopecia areata,” she says.
While dating with alopecia areata can be challenging, it can also be fun and exciting. To build healthy, rewarding relationships, Cat says it’s important to have self-compassion and take the time you need to build trust and connection.
“I believe disclosure is so personal and very much depends on the individual and the relationship they are developing with someone else,” says Cat. “I would prioritize emotional safety and connection before sharing anything that feels vulnerable. If you share with someone and they don’t respond with care and compassion, it says more about them than you. The right partner will meet you with curiosity and respect.”
